kaiserkuchen: (Shaun of the Dead! Just kill me now)
...where does the freaking time go, ughhhhh. A lot has happened since I last posted, and that wasn't even a "real post". Don't really feel much up to a detailed recap so here are random bullet points.

-work still enjoyable, semi-quiet lulls interspersed with STRESS STRESS I AM ANNOYED BY THE DESIGNER TEAM THEY VEX ME AUGHHHH STRESS
-house dry now, water's been gone for 2-3 weeks and Dad and Sue have been speedy in getting everything in somewhat fighting shape again. Tentative moving back date sometime in Jan, though of course the entire ground level is gutted and will be empty for a while. We even had new ceilings put in, hopefully the mold won't return. Might be pretty hardy, since the house was under 2-3m of water for 2 straight months.
-Ma's one year anniversary came and went without me breaking down into a useless gibbering heap too badly-- Dad was thoughtful enough to take me out to dinner that night so that I got back to the hotel room late and tired, and the next day I went and made merit with my aunt and uncle and spent some time at their house, where I got to see my grandma and the cat. Khun Yai still skinny, cat still FAT lol. Ex-stepdad didn't post anything about the date on FB, but he "liked" my status about it. WOW.
-speaking of moods, I have been up and down and all around these past few weeks but it's in times like these when friends and your remaining family can be so wonderful and lovely. I would go into more whine and cheese about how I seem to have gotten more anxious about a worrying amount of things when I have the time to think about them but I can't be bothered at the moment, hah!
-christmas eve was spent at a friend's party with my int'l school people. On paper it sounded like a kids party (but with tequila and baileys) but in reality it was awesome. Christmas day was spent making my other friend feed me (muslim friend & hotel kid brat unite in not really seeing this holiday as a family thing lol), watching the Swedish Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and being introduced to the amazing world of REVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENGE. Awesome. Eps 1-4 down, now gimme moaaar.
-in Europe I always thought I was too Thai to really fit in there. Now at work I realize that I am not broadly Thai enough to really fit in w/ my colleagues-- though this is different when I'm with my international school friends, who are themselves either Thai or half-halfs. Specialized identity it is then! Also then I will just own the fact that people don't expect me to own the sometimes unnecessary nuanced conversations in the office lol and here I thought I was passive-aggressive by European standards. This isn't to say that I am not enjoying my office and colleagues though, this is just something I've been trying to articulate to myself.
-SO MANY PEOPLE IN BANGKOK UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CROWDS WHYY.
-should probably look into mirroring to DW soon but this is something I will ignore until I have constant net at home again. I miss comment subject lines though! UGH

...anyone have any decent end of year memes to pass around? I haven't had the time to really look.
kaiserkuchen: (Dogs! P-P-PARTY TIEMZ)

Another GPOYYYYYY of GPOYs, oh internet how you always have a picture that sums up my lousy state of RL affairs!


Although I guess this is not wholly accurate, as I experienced somewhat of a late-night burst of energy (the only kind I get, these days) and sent off three additional job applications and am correcting more bits of dear [livejournal.com profile] cheshire_tabby's paper.

It still doesn't change the fact that most of the time, when I wind down from the excitement of getting to meet my friends or go for meals with them, I am starting to get more intense flashes of being pretty dejected about my lack of job-search success so far. It's a useless feeling, and I should be using this free time to at least be productive otherwise and tackle the multitude of little things I could be doing around the house, in my room or even just sorting crap out on my computer, if I don't feel like actively creating anything myself but ugh. SULKING IT IS, 95% OF THE TIME THEN! *proceeds to be a lump on the couch*.

I think it's the whole lack of any form of response to the job apps that is most depressing-- you feel like you're lobbing crap into a void, after a while. It's also just weird to me because I am then wondering if I'm explicitly yet inadvertantly doing Something Wrong in my apps, as for all intents and purposes I should be having an okay time in the job market. I'm a strong candidate on paper-- I have an overseas degree yet have local roots, I studied the correct thing for the specific jobs I'm applying for and have relevant internships, I have the language skills and yet would save any company work permit/visa fees if they were to hire a foreigner in my stead and have been steadily not mentioning the salary issue which means that I would be open to being underpaid. But still, NO DICE. I haven't even been THAT picky in where I apply to, though I do admit to eagle-eying location, if the advert is worded like crap and most importantly, if the company provides a hotmail/gmail/yahoo.com contact adress, because REALLY PEOPLE? That's just sad.

But off to finish Olga's paper and get ready for an early start tomorrow-- back to GYM again, as I shamefully skipped on Monday, and I might have a lunch and dinner date each with two of Ma's ex-colleagues/friends who both may be able to help me with getting a foot in their companies. Actually getting these meetings planned was quite nerve-wracking, as I was complaining about on twitter but THINGS KIND OF WORKED OUT IN THE END gahhhh phewww! FINGERS CROSSED

*coughs*

Dec. 16th, 2009 06:23 pm
kaiserkuchen: (Ishida! Ninja on the side)
DEAR IMMUNE SYSTEM, I would like you to stop right there and not even think about starting to fail on me. The raspy cough that is beginning to get more intense as the hours go on, the weird way I seem to be aching everywhere, the delicate beginnings of a headache and the surprising lack of appetite? Kindly fuck off and die. I have already taken two Vitamin C tablets today, I am guzzling enough water and will be bundling up like woah when I head out for dinner with Carmen and her visiting sister, so THAT WILL BE THAT. Ugh, cold weather sickness woes, DNW!

Today has not been all that good of a day so far, so I really hope dinner at the Shanghai Tan will lift things up a bit. Thought I'd have a long-overdue nice phonecall with my Dad again, but that turned sour real quick. It's my fault for forgetting the key rule when Talking To Dad About University/My Future: LIE. LIE LIKE THE DICKENS. It's apparently useless trying to explain that given the unknown timespan getting all my paperwork processed will take, I haven't actually sent out any job applications yet. All the agencies and what-not right now are only looking for positions to start Jan or early Feb, and that is a time I know for sure I won't be done yet (even in the best case scenario when I pass ABWL). But of course, all this reads as excuses to him, and me not holding up my end of the apparent bargain we eked out in the summer. Thus, he was also not all that happy with my plan to come back home for a month in mid Feb, and well. Oh man. I know he only means well, and has my best interests at heart, but the way he says it never fails to rankle or reduce me to ridiculous tears because it always sounds like he is disappointed and insinuating things about my failure/idiocy/naivete/whathaveyou. Which is at least somewhat dealable over the phone, but hah, there have been many awkward and super snot-filled bawlfests in person in the past.

But, nothing I can do I guess. Will continue to try and at least get my CV and cover letters translated, my application papers scanned in and such this month, and I'll just start sending off things in the beginning of January then. It's times like these where I intensely wish that I could just say FUCK IT and go back to Bangkok, but even super-whiny self-pity party queen me knows that it's a stupid idea given the pittance I would earn. If only if only. I guess this is one of the things I at least enjoy about this half-life you live in university: You have all this time, and you can sometimes hid from decisions behind it, but eventually the clock does run out. I know that immediate Masters programs are out of the question for me, both due to intense personal disdain for the theoretical/dry curriculum in Vienna and parental no-nos-- but the idea of postponing it all some more did have its moment of temptation.
kaiserkuchen: (LOL! My productivity summed up)
So I didn't want to admit it, but the ABWL/Intro To Business Endtest (due Monday!!) is seriously gonna eat me up and spit me right out. I am woefully, woefully unprepared for it, I cannot parse the math behind it, nor can I fully and accurately remember the theoretical parts, and I will be basically screwed. And then everything will be delayed and less I pass the retake in January, my graduation will be delayed again. For 5 measly ECTS extra-credit points. FUCK.

So, I have decided that since even considering all these Serious Factors, my concentration is wobbly at best, I will have to declare a quick LJ/FB/email hiatus until Monday is over. I'll be trying to get the last few tabs I have open answered, but after that-- I guess it's see ya on the flipside, ladies! Please think genius and math & business-y thoughts my way on Monday :(


ALSO: DEAR SABRINA, WHY ARE YOU BACK AGAIN. Please have another screaming fight with someone on the phone and then disappear for more than 2 days this time, please please please? You are also welcome to interpret "more than 2 days" as forever, be my guest!
kaiserkuchen: (OT3! And we part ways once again)
The past days have been with their slight ups and downs, though in summation I think I am chugging along with the things I Am Supposed To Do, Eventually quite well. Every day I wake up, look at the crap weather outside and do more than manage to feed myself and putter around on the internet counts as victory! Being social with other people besides the good times I have twice a week or so with the darling Miss [livejournal.com profile] cheshire_tabby seems like so much of a hassle, now that it is cold and dreary, but I just gotta remember that everything is wonderful ONCE I ACTUALLY LEAVE THE HOUSE AND MEET THEM.

I would normally now segue into a pop culture-related topic and squee a bit (and there are many things to squee about!), but that is for a later entry. I hardly use this LJ for real serious thought besides the occasional wangst-fest, but bear with me here. Yesterday, I found out from an old classmate that one of the girls I knew at school had suddenly passed away from complications from blood poisoning. That she got from some random wound by accident. She was nineteen years-old. Isn't that just sad and more than alarming? It apparently happened in a really abrupt manner, just a few days ago did she check into the hospital for what were supposed to be some routine treatments, and then. Gone. The thing is, I don't really know what to really feel about this, since she and I were never close, but we knew each other by virtue of our extremely small school. She had this tempestuous relationship with one of the guys a year under me who in turn was close friends to one of mine. She was confident, and someone who was unapologetic about being who she was and getting all up in your face about it. She had her beefs with a lot of people, and in all honesty, I never really actually liked her that much, but this still came as a massive shock. You're not supposed to die at this age, not this way, not this sudden. I was talking about it with a few friends who did know her better, and I just hope that they're handling it okay. I keep looking at her FB page and all the messages that are piling up there, and what might just be the creepiest thing about it is that one of her last statuses is still on there that she wrote while in the hospital: her phone number and "I want to get out of here :(" ..................fuck.

Wherever you are right now Dani, I hope you're resting in peace.

I KNEW IT

Oct. 10th, 2009 12:18 pm
kaiserkuchen: (ETC! One can only try)
The weather barely dips into cold territory, or at least 'jacket advisable when running around outside' status, and already I feel as if I have been hit by a two-by-four of apathy and lethargy. I am wasting time, valuable time, and it is still a bit hard dredging up the emotion to care. SACK THE FUCK UP, SELF, what is this bullshit. Today and tomorrow will be used productively, make it fucking work. God.

I did have fun yesterday though, went shopping with Wido and basically played fashion stylist for the better part of a day. Even if we didn't end up buying much (men's wear is so expensive!), he was a doll to "work" with, and I am very satisfied that I have managed to spread the gospel of slightly form-fitting dark jeans or pants and the inherent appeal of v-neck sweaters to a former non-believer. Also: the tweed-ish gray pants I forced on him for funsies ended up being his ultimate favorite. Hah! His girlfriend better appreciate my efforts, lol. And speaking of her, they both apparently have a really high estimation of my fashion sense, because now Lena even wants me to go shopping with her. I mean, I love me some fashion, but don't consider myself all that fashionista-like, though I guess even this seems like a lot when you are from the "well I'll just throw on this old thing here" camp. Nevertheless, it does sound like fun ♥

Today I will be a productive person, answer people on the internet, email real people, maybe skype a little and manage to actually cook something to eat. Sabrina is gone for the day, and I seriously don't understand why my brain is convinced that I must never leave my room whenever she is there, too. At the very least, I have my snack cabinet all stocked with healthy things (ish) now.

*DEEP BREATHS*
kaiserkuchen: (ETC! One can only try)
I have been back in Vienna since yesterday, and already what good and what fun I have experienced so far (to be mentioned later) simply pales in comparison to the shitshow that is my roommate. I don't know if it is the fact that I have become soft, accustomed to cleanliness and hygienic surroundings when I was in Bangkok, or maybe the fact that even the four odd months I still have left til (hopeful) graduation suddenly seems like forever or some other reason, but already I am feeling this low-grade, constant thrum of anger and rage towards her. How can someone bear to live in such a hell-hole? Why must I too be dragged into living like this? We fucking have tiny insects whirring around the common room areas now! I don't even know where to start in cleaning things there up, especially with the knowledge that it'll all go to shit soon again anyways (not to even mention I still have to clean up my own room after three months of dust and absence). And the kicker is that this status is even the "cleaned up" one. Because, if she is to be believed, she also 'had just arrived for a two days' before I did... yet that was enough time to throw the sort of party that has left weird purple markings on the floor that won't go away and a veritable pile of trash that was the first thing I saw after arriving home, after a 12+ hour flight (yay for flight delays ugh).

I hate her, I despise every single goddamn fiber of her being-- she could be a saint on the sly and I wouldn't give a fuck, and I honestly wish she would one day leave and never, ever come back. Ma tells me that I have only two options: confront her or just simply move out. The latter is not an option at the moment, and I already know how the former will end (= not successfully), but I guess I should try again the next time I see her. I wish I could be direct to her, give her the laundry list of her sins that I have been compiling since early 2007, but part of me is wary of the fact that she could very well make my life hell, or just ignore it and increase the filth (since it so obviously doesn't faze her as much as me) and I probably couldn't deal with it, not with the close quarters that we are living in.

One day, I will live alone, and it will be awesome and fantastic and this will just be a smudge on the reminiscences of my university days. Though I guess I am forever ruined on cohabitation, thanks to this. Never again, no fucking way. EVERYONE WHO HAS NICE HOUSE OR ROOMMATES, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.

But still, in conclusion: HATE HATE HATE


...........and I miss Carmen ;_;
kaiserkuchen: (MyBossMyHero! EYE to eye)
__ Now that I am slowly but surely nearing the end of my internship, I've been getting to know some of the staff better, and I think a few of them really like me too, or at least they are A+ in acting somewhat interested in the random bits of personal or random info I feel compelled to blurt out when I am in a social situation. Lol, it figures.

__ I HAVE NEW GLASSES! They are basically my older frame's sexier new sister, because I am set in my ways most of the time and abhor change (unless it is the awesome kind of 'IMMA MOVE TO 'X' NOW' kind of change, lol priorities). BUT. Rectangular glasses work for me, and these have even larger lenses than before, which means I can see MOARRRRRR. This may sound not that newsworthy, but to me it has actually made the world a bit more interesting to look at again. More clearly mostly, too, now that the NETWORK OF SCRATCHES ON THE LENS are gone. Also, I don't have to turn my head so much and I look +10 snootier because the frames are heavier than before and I find myself tipping my head up more to compensate lol.

__ IT'S THE RAINY SEASON LIKE WOAH RIGHT NOW. Seriously, we have your LIGHTNING!!, your THUNDERRRRRRRRR! and torrential downpours of what seems like far more water than us Bangkokians can ever hope to deal with in the streets of the city. It almost vindicates the my lazy choice of wearing my Roma sandals all the time, at least they can survive when I am up to my ankles in water.
What this time has also brought with it that is not in the least on is the return of Nero's epileptic seizures. He's been having at least 3 moderate ones a day since Tuesday, and though he seems to deal with them better than before (he's missing teeth from previous years and previous, more intense fits), it's always very depressing to watch him try to pull himself up and wobble around on shaky legs. Especially now that he mostly gets the fits in the open spaces of the living room downstairs at night, and it is thus even harder to hear and come down and help him. I believe that his doggie meds do help as much as they can, and it has reduced itself to 'only' occurring every few months, but still. He should get better DD:
kaiserkuchen: (X-Men! GAMBIT NEVER CHANGE)
Looks like life is being if not shitty, then at the very least difficult and vexing for some darlings on my flist right now. What the hell, is there something in the air? ATTN: LIFE, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER, DON'T BE LIKE THIS D:<

I also had to drag myself out of a semi-funk at the office that was probably just my brain rebelling at having to do more competitive comparisons (BANKS AGAIN) and the frustration that the way I did the giant PPP yesterday was apparently not to the P's liking. And a good dose of tiredness and whenistheweekenditis too, I guess. Argh fail. ONE MORE DAY and I can treat myself to a weekend of pampering in town, fuck yes.

But speaking of shitty things to have to think about, I had another conversation with Dad on the way home about my ~*after uni future*~ -- and IF I do manage to get an actual job by the time I finish, or one that I could at least semi-immediately start in February, it really is looking more and more of a surety that I would be staying in Vienna. For a year or two longer, tops. Still. I always keep trying to ignore this, because I love the idea of living in Bangkok again so much, but Vienna would be a smart choice in setting down the foundations for actually reaching somewhere in my future career and earning a good salary, instead of languishing in the lower echelons of the local staff pool forever. I could always somehow hack it here, even if it would depend on what kind of an office I come into, and how much inner-office politicking is going on. I suck ass at the appropriate Thai-style of navigating this lol, this I have learned here already (and by observing how the previous interns acted shudder shudder). Yet there is also the salary matter and the fact that the average entry wage for an office worker wouldn't even crack 10'000 baht (8'000 is more likely). Half-decent studio apartments in town start at 15'000 a month! I don't want to lean on my parents financially THAT much. Blargh.

TL;DR OLGA YOU BETTER BE STAYING IN VIENNA FOR A WHILE, and I am so trying to get into your apt. complex too okay?? (=my favoritest pipe dream ever, TELL ME WHO I HAVE TO BRIBE)

EVERYONE ELSE: Come visit me in Vienna sometime in ze future then lolol


To end this on a musical note, here be YT vids of three songs that basically are on repeat when I do my media clippings menial work. DAMN YOU, KOREAN MUSIC FOR BEING QUITE AWESOME AND CATCHY
BIGBANG - "Haru Haru"
BIGBANG - "Lies"
BIGBANG - "Last Farewell" (song starts after 1:00-ish)
kaiserkuchen: (SPN! All hail the Boy King (S))
For bitchery and completion's sake, and so that I can also start forgetting how unpleasant and vaguely humiliated I felt about this, a quick recounting of our UE PR group meeting today!

Lena, one of the girls who along with old swede dude said per email they were pro-Medienanalyse method was early. So I started chattering to her a bit about my plans for the meeting, since I figured I had an ally of sorts in her. But little did I know that once we were all seated, all the fuckers would PULL A FUCKING MUTINY ON ME. "I really think a Befragung would be a better method!" "Oh yes, I agree, it would much better serve our purposes!" -- and to my objections of how last minute this is, why nothing of substance was presented during this whole week if everyone was so gung-ho for it, how crap we would look in comparison to the other groups, how much more ahead they are and what a difference it would undoubtedly make, were basically drowned out. And it now sounded like I was the dick who didn't believe in the group (WELL YOU GUYS DIDN'T REALLY GIVE ME MUCH HOPE TO WORK WITH), who was the killjoy disturbing everyone's hilarious time, the pedantic asshole who kept writing emails that no one would read anyways (thanks for that info by the way, Sven C! Like that was such a surprise, coming from you). And to make matters even better, as if my current position in the group wasn't already teetering on the edge-- Wido, who was sitting on the mezzanine above us, decided that it was hilarious to throw his balled up sugar packets down at me. THANKS FOR THAT LAST PUSH INTO LOOKING EVEN MORE LÄCHERLICH AND PATHETIC DUDE, SERIOUSLY IT WAS JUST THE FINAL TOUCH OF HUMILIATION THAT WAS MISSING.

We did manage to bang out some questions and divide the labor in the hour and a half of the meeting though, the others will be doing the actual asking Favoritener their opinion, and this other chick and I will be analyzing the date and typing up the end report. All in all, a favorable end to this steaming crap mound (for now). I guess I've learned that it is just too much to wish for, having a group project that can be efficiently decided per email (we can work together, it's been proven! But why not a few days earlier??). And I've had a refresher course in how ~wonderful~ it feels to know that one has united the group in basically viewing you in contempt and condescension. I mean, I'm not looking for new BFFs in this group either, but ohh, the feeling still rankles like hell.

UGHHHHHHH that felt good to get out. Off to look at spam/porn to cheer me up!
kaiserkuchen: (Pundits! Through the cheering throng)
But basically you guys can count yourselves lucky that technology isn't at the point where one can automatically compose LJ-entries in their brain and immediately post them, otherwise you all would have been treated to some A-class emotional roller coaster self-pitying venting. That would kind of go like this: BAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW I AM SCREWED BECAUSE OF NO INTERNSHIP AND MY LOOMING DEPARTURE DATE ---> ...OH WAIT MAYBE I WILL NOT BE SCREWED AFTER ALL!! I CAN HAS SOME CAUTIOUS HOPE! ---> BUT WAIT SOMETHING IS HAPPENING TO DRAG ME DOWN AGAIN ---> HA-HA! I HAVE OVERCOME THIS OBSTACLE, SOME INTERVIEWS GET! ---> AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TIME FOR SHARON'S BI-ANNUAL SELF-WORTH ISSUES BORN OF SOME THROWAWAY REMARKS FROM DAD CRISIS, now with added blubbering in his office! ---> YAY MY NORMALLY KIND OF EMOTIONALLY STUNTED FATHER HAS AWKWARDLY BUT CLEARLY STATED AND REAFFIRMED HIS LOVE FOR ME AND THAT HE IS PROUD OF MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS THAT 'I HAVE GAINED ON MY OWN MERIT' it continues to baffle both him and me how much a part of me always needs to hear him explicitly state elementary things like these, because somehow I decided to be supremely neurotic and full of issues about this, even though part of me should full well know that DUH MY PARENTS LOVE ME OKAYYY *headdesks*I love Ma so much for letting me cry over the phone at her while I was freaking the taxi driver out though too, ahh
(THE END. FOR NOW??)

...so okay, I guess you are all catching me on an upswing! I spent the last few days furiously prepping for, and calling up various big ad agencies here for a summer internship (seriously, I googled the Top 10 worldwide agencies and just went through looking for their BKK offices. Lolol might as well aim high, eh??). Spent 9 hours today running around town, submitting my cover letter + CV and filling out some uh, very interesting application forms at Young & Rubicam, Saatchi & Saatchi, McCann Erickson and Leo Burnett. Have to go into town AGAIN tomorrow for a hastily on their part rescheduled interview with someone from Leo Burnett, third consecutive day on less that 5 hours sleep is goooooooo. BUT! I really hope the LB thing works out, because they are ~fantastic~ and I loved their office already from the moment I stepped into the threshold. Will still probably send off the requested email-only applications to Ogilvy and EURO RSCG on Monday too though, ONE CAN NEVER BE TOO SURE.

GOD I HOPE I GET IN. I CAN ALREADY SEE MYSELF DYING THIS SUMMER FROM THE STRESS, but oh myyyyyyyy just the thought of how my CV would look with an internship + certificate from one of these pimpin' agencies?? DREAM COME TRUUUUUUUUUE (part 1! Part 2 would actually be working their for cash money lolol)

and on that note! SLEEP. Moooooooar postings tomorrow~ MISS YOU ALL BBs! (well okay I had been good with commenting these past few days)
kaiserkuchen: (Ron! DO NOT WANT)
FUCK I FAILED METHODEN DER SOZIOLOGISCHEN FORSCHUNG. FFFFFFFFFFFFUCKSTICKS. Another 5! Dammit dammit fucking shit dammit, now I have to find some other random elective exam to take, fuck fuck fuck I wonder why I failed, I was actually quite confident. WHY AM I APPARENTLY SO STUPID. I wonder what Carmen had. Ahh. GODDAMN YOU UNI, I JUST NEEDED THIS LAST ELECTIVE TO BE ALL DONE WITH THE WAHLFÄCHER. Now I have to find some other random elective to do and just. More time, more effort and just. EFFFFFF.



Now I have even more of a reason to drown my sorrows in the internet. FUCK CLEANING AND UNPACKING AND EATING, I HAVE OTHER THINGS TO DO.
kaiserkuchen: (Naruto! What is this fuckery GAAAH)
FINALLY!! SENT IN STEP5. I SO BULLSHITTED THE MAIN IMPORTANT!!! PART. TURNS OUT I DIDN'T REALLY GET HOW TO DO IT LAST MINUTE AS I HOPED AND PRAYED OOPS. I ENDED UP WITH 8150 WORDS (OVERSHOT MIN REQ BY 3000 WORDS IS THIS BAD??), 17580 WORDS IF YOU COUNT THE INTERVIEWS AND CRAPOLA. I WROTE THIS LONG NOTE TO TEACH BASICALLY BEGGING FOR MERCY TOO l jlkaf LOLOL ajsfks

I SENT IT IN '22.34' AUSTRO-TIME (THANK YOU ADJUSTABLE CLOCKS) BUT WE HAVE A PROBLEM. .....IT IS NOT ACTUALLY TEN PM RIGHT NOW. I HAVE TO GET UP IN LESS THAN 2 HOURS. WHY. WHYY.


eyes. burnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn


why do i keep doing to myself?? I bet the BAKK1 won't be different when I pass this. IF I PASS THIS. O GOD IF I DON'T PASS I AM SO FUCKING SCREWED. FUBAR. FUBAAAAAAAAAAAR.

o god Gouma I hope I catch you on a nice day when you correct my shit ahh please remember I was always there in class and participated and aaaah I just want to passsssssss. DDDD: LOVE ME PLEASE


D:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
kaiserkuchen: (Reborn! Urge to kill rising :|)
GOODBYE fake Masern symptoms! What a lucky thing (Ma called from BKK to confirm that I AM vaccinated after all, woo!), given that there is an apparent other Masern outbreak in our dorm... ISN'T THIS HOW RESIDENT EVIL BEGINS OR SOMETHING? DD:

SO YOU SEEM TO BE SETTLING IN NICELY, ongoing hacking cough and constant and irritating pressure in my ears! Why of course cracking my jaw and sundry other methods to pop my ears every few seconds is my idea of a good time! Especially at night, when I feel like I can't really breathe when I cough lying down! The way you make my voice all croaky is also SO. MUCH. FUN :D!!

OH AND OF COURSE I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOU, ever present mountain of uni work! Why yes, I AM aware that I am less than three weeks away from being in Bangkok and that I am supposed to have all my shit together by then! And it's oh so wonderful that I am supposed to go up against STEP5 Teacher's seemingly impossible to reach standards and not even have the Unterlagen I need explained to me and my group in class, because of 'scheduling problems'. It's oh-so-lucky that we are the only group affected by this though, my gosh! And wow, I always love working in a virtual black-hole because we cannot reach the Teacher for her Sprechstunde! THIS IS ONLY DECIDING MY FUTURE UNI-CAREER AFTER ALL (seriously, if I can't hack STEP5, I might as well just drop PKW and do something else, for all the good missing ANOTHER YEAR will do me :|)


/BITCHERY
kaiserkuchen: (Bright! This is my uni icon lol smrt)
A RETROSPECTIVE:
______Thursday morning: P+L ZWISCHENTEST (Better than expected! I hope to pass???)

______Friday morning: THEO (JESUS FUCK WHAT THE SHIT WAS THIS! PLEASE LET ME PASS DDD:)
______Friday morning the second: KPOL (GUESSING GAMES WOO I JUST DIDN'T CARE ANYMORE)

And to think I actually practiced quite well for THEO and KPOL (the actual tests were half an hour apart), fat load of good it did me, for all that the questions I was 100% on never came and the rest being speckled with KNOWLEDGE BLACKOUTS on my side. :((((

WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS:
______Monday noon: Entwicklingspyschologie I (I DUNNO MAN I DUNNO)
______next week ++: MOAAR BWZ ZTs and PKW presentations ( :( :( :( )

Instead of cramming yesterday I spent about 5 hours reading through this. SOMETIMES I REALLY HAVE ONLY MYSELF TO BLAME. Ahh.

OM NOM NOM

Apr. 21st, 2008 10:48 pm
kaiserkuchen: (Reborn! Urge to kill rising :|)
Have apparently reached the 'EVERYTHING. I MUST EAT YOUU. NOW' stage of monthly cursing my hormones-ness! At least I did attempt to make it healthy, some tasty iceberg SALAD for dinner and some seedless grapes, buuut I suppose this gets canceled out by the half bar of nougat I had, the packet of salami pralinen and the 500g serving of Dr Oetker's Rote Grütze. God that shit is TASTY.

Have just found this receipe that sounds like a simple and vaguely healthy thing to make in May, when more cash is here though! Thank god for Spar supermarkets now letting you pay with credit cards, my budget is otherwise verrah strapped due to ultimate FAIL!!1 orz

And to continue on the ULTIMATE FAIL!!1 note, my Sprechstunde with Gouma about my STEP3 Arbeit was... illuminating, to say the least. Turns out that even if I did make a 2 on the final grade due to previous good homework assignments and my in-class participation, the final essay itself was merely a 3. Which, even if I now know what the flaws and bits and bobs were that she didn't like or that I did a bit shoddily, kind of is another stab in the heart of 'WHY AM I APPARENTLY SO DAMN DUMB IN UNI'. Gah. Must learn from this, must pass the three exams in store for me this week and I FUCKING MUST get at least a 2 in the subsequent STEP5 incarnation of this essay. This is starting to become a bit humiliating, the extent of my constant uni average-ishness. If only I could be lazy AND not give a damn about my grades, but nope, am lazy AND get disappointed when the obviously inadequate fruits of my near to non-existent labor are borne.

GAH.

Taekwondo was awesome as usual today though! Sidekick actionnn and we had to do these weird stretching exercises with our partners, and mine was this short and kinda prickly guy. Never really knew if what he was saying was meant in a joking manner or if he was subtly dissing me or something. AH WELL~ But this POURING RAIN on the way back that IS STILL HAPPENING was kinda shittastic, I must add!

...

Jan. 22nd, 2008 11:11 pm
kaiserkuchen: (*sadface* :( :( :()
'Heath Ledger found dead in NYC apartment'

...I just. What. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

And apparently there are reports coming in that he was found surrounded by pills??

Talk about being blindsided with these news. Never would have expected to hear this, ever. Man, this is just really depressing. What a waste of a wonderful, talented and brilliant actor, and what about his kid?


RIP, Heath.
kaiserkuchen: (SPONGEBOB! Yes)
During the last few days between my last post and the present I have been:

MY WEEK SO FAR... or rather LAST WEEK so far/LONG POST IS LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG :D )

:( redux

Aug. 9th, 2007 12:02 am
kaiserkuchen: (Dexter! Just one of those mehhh days)
Went to town today with Dad in the morning again, met up with Ma and Andy, had fun with them, finally got to watch HP and the Order of the Phoenix in Empo, saw AJ again, took lotsa pics and had a lovely seafood dinner with Ma and Na Paew and her family.

THEN I come home and hear that the dog had another fit this afternoon, but Dad and Sue took him to the vet and got some more pills. Apparently they'll have to go again Sunday, but all should've been well.

But around 10-11pm Nero had ANOTHER fit, this time really smack out of the blue. Managed to get him through it quicker that yesterday, and Dad reckons it's probably due to the pills working.
Yet the fact still remains that he has had FOUR fits over the past two days and has now actually bitten out two of his teeth. One of which I even accidentally stepped on.
Am now still online, clicking away at some random sites and still staring at the dog every now and then. Feel tired as fuck but I am just so afraid that something will happen when no one is downstairs and what if we can't hear anything in time? He's lying down now, but for a long while earlier he kept walking around the living room, pausing to look at me look at him, then he'd go to the stairs, look up, look at me again, do another circuit, come near me as if he wants to be petted, which I do until he kind of flinches away and repeats another circuit. And every now and then he looks up from when he sleeps to see if I'm still there.

...

Gah, this shit just isn't on, fuck. Fuck. Fuckkk.

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