Where has all the time flown??

[kaiserkuchen]

As most of you already know through FB and what-not, I've been back in Vienna since late Sunday evening. Civilization, it is a pleasure to be nestled in your welcoming, internet-access enabled bosom yet again! Krimml as a whole was as always predictable and enjoyable if one knew where to get one's little happy moments, and I fully admit that this time was made even better with the presence of Dad and co., AND DAD'S BRILLIANT COOKING ♥ We had Tafelspitz with creme spinach and potatoes! Assorted asparagus concoctions! Irish Stew (LAMB!!), Jungkitz chops and LAMB CORDON BLEU THAT WAS FILLED WITH FRESH PECORINO CHEESE AND DRIED TOMATOES AND BLACK OLIVES INSTEAD of the usual way of doing Cordon Bleu (which is a dish I normally am v. bored of. Like with Meatloaf) ...nggggh that dish basically made me die in foodgasmic glory.

Now the academic monster that is uni and exams is continuing to rumble, and I am slowly but surely realizing that I have a truckload of things to Get Done, and Get Done Well. All UE-HÜ that I should really have known better than to procrastinate until now aside, I think the WIRK(Media Results/Influences basically) exam went well enough today-- fingers crossed for a pass or better!-- and I've already done some of the exam prep and reading of the KORRE (Communications Law) exam that is due on Friday, so. Cautious optimism is me!

And on a more serious note, I really must say that my love for rahmbamarama is all the more strengthened in face of the constantly classy and respectable way the mods and everyone handle things that come up, and the care that is put into ensuring that it remains a pleasant, tolerant and safe space for all the fans. Which makes it all the more appalling to me how idiotic and hurtful I was being too with my ignorant actions and I'd just like to also apologize here as well for the sheer levels of lose I must have been radiating. I swear, I am normally not such a tool! "I had never really thought about it being seen that way," is such a weak and lame excuse, but it what I thought at first-- but really reading through the posts and comments linked to in the latest Modpost only served to bring home the message again and again, how privileged and wholly inappropriate and wrong I was and how lazy (to say the least!) it was to even think of using that as an excuse in the first place. This was a hell of a wake-up call to my previous belief that even if I consider myself multicultural/of mixed cultural heritage, my specific experiences are in no way wide-ranging and there are a lot of areas that I am shamefully under-aware of and under-educated in, and that is something that needs to change. Clearly I have a hell of a lot to still learn and work on, and I hope you guys will not hesitate to smack me hard if I fuck up again.

Comments

[cheshire-tabby.livejournal.com]

are you... one of those internet bullies now? ;o;

also: I am starving, I think. oh no, Olga, do not go into the light. XD

[kaiserkuchen.livejournal.com]

Eher an INTERNET DUMBASS, I think >_>;;

I know riiight, dude I was getting hungry just thinking about it again. MMMMH.

[cheshire-tabby.livejournal.com]

aaah, and that's the reason why <i usually don't say anything at all on the internet. saves me a lot of trouble. unf now I had some soletti but it only got worse. HOLD ON OLGA tomorrow I am going for a pub-crawl. :DD

[bravecows.livejournal.com]

Dude, not that it's my place to give you cookies, 'cos I could totally see myself being faily in the same way -- what you said re: not having had wide-ranging experiences and being under-educated in a lot of areas totally describes me. But I just wanted to say that I think it's cool how you've reacted. Let's keep trying! \o/

[kaiserkuchen.livejournal.com]

I normally don't really say much beyond fannish squee on the internet too, which made the whole thing give me erst recht a giant jolt of 'shitshitshit how do I react correctly and in a fitting manner shitshitshit *panic*' too.

I AM LÖFFELING SOME ROTE GRÜTZE NOW om nom nom and dude if you are hungry 24-7, going on a pub-crawl wouldn't really help? Unless you are gonna be the one munching on shepard's pie while the rest are chugging beer?

[kaiserkuchen.livejournal.com]

I think I can safely say that this is one lesson that will imprint itself in my brain for a long, long time, ahhhh every time I think about the moment when the first bolt of realization hit like a cast-iron frying pan to the head and I am still writhing in total embarrassment and OTL.

But as you said, one must try to soldier on, and faito faito to gain better understanding!

Also, thank you for this comment, because while the whole thing had me feeling horrible in general for being an idiot who wholly deserved the schooling that deepad graciously imparted, a small and selfish part of me was also worried that whatever opinion you have of me would be forever tainted with this fuck-up, since I saw your comment at deepad's post and remembered from RaceFail'09 reading (back when I was still safe and sound in my assumption that I would do no wrong) that you guys were friends.

[lizfu.livejournal.com]

*blink* Forgive my ignorance and forgive me if I'm going to make you relive something you'd rather put behind you, but what happened? I'm asking because I've been drifting out of politifandom and haven't been to RBR since February. After seeing the aftermath, I realized that something happened and that I'm completely out of the loop; and then I saw your journal entry and thought that you could explain.

[lizfu.livejournal.com]

Never mind. Followed a few links and found out what happened.

[cheshire-tabby.livejournal.com]

haaach, I'm sorry to hear that. but I hope everything is fine again now? ;o;

yesyes that's what I am going to do. since we have to rate the pubs we go to and "FOOOODZ" is an important criterium. hahaha. :DD
(sometimes the people at university do give us prety whacked homework assignments...)

[kaiserkuchen.livejournal.com]

Ahh, sorry for the delay in replying-- managed to see your first comment when I left for uni this morning, and had a full day today, but uh now I see I don't have to describe how unbelievably stupid I was again, haah small mercies.

(but man do I ever know that feeling of having missed something going on that everyone involved is kind of just referencing to, and you're just bursting from curiosity to find out what it was)

[bravecows.livejournal.com]

a small and selfish part of me was also worried that whatever opinion you have of me would be forever tainted with this fuck-up

No, dude. I've been thinking about how to reply to this because my first impulse is to reassure you, and I don't want to downplay what you did in your story, because that was pretty heinous. At the same time, I think it's probably the same with you as it is with me -- my upbringing didn't throw me much in the way of learning about the fraught racial issues that surround Black hair. But it did give me a lot of opportunities to internalise the deep racism against Black people embedded in Western (and Asian!) society. So "my upbringing! my background!" is not a good excuse, you know?

Not that you were trying to use that excuse. I'm just saying this 'cos -- I want to explain that my opinion of you is not forever tainted because of this, though obvs I was disappointed when I read Deepa's post about it and realised you were a co-author of the offending story. But I don't want to make you feel better about having co-written that story, 'cos it is pretty bad! But I might have done something similarly hurtful and offensive, if I hadn't read stuff about the politics surrounding Black hair before. And who knows, maybe I'll do something equally offensive in future. That doesn't make it better, just, yeah. I get it.

And I think you responded well and hope I'll respond equally well if I get called out on stuff. As I said: let's try our best! *g*

[kaiserkuchen.livejournal.com]

I really appreciate this comment, and your explanation, and just-- thank you ♥