Rage, unhappiness and quite possibly some leftover hormones

I have been back in Vienna since yesterday, and already what good and what fun I have experienced so far (to be mentioned later) simply pales in comparison to the shitshow that is my roommate. I don't know if it is the fact that I have become soft, accustomed to cleanliness and hygienic surroundings when I was in Bangkok, or maybe the fact that even the four odd months I still have left til (hopeful) graduation suddenly seems like forever or some other reason, but already I am feeling this low-grade, constant thrum of anger and rage towards her. How can someone bear to live in such a hell-hole? Why must I too be dragged into living like this? We fucking have tiny insects whirring around the common room areas now! I don't even know where to start in cleaning things there up, especially with the knowledge that it'll all go to shit soon again anyways (not to even mention I still have to clean up my own room after three months of dust and absence). And the kicker is that this status is even the "cleaned up" one. Because, if she is to be believed, she also 'had just arrived for a two days' before I did... yet that was enough time to throw the sort of party that has left weird purple markings on the floor that won't go away and a veritable pile of trash that was the first thing I saw after arriving home, after a 12+ hour flight (yay for flight delays ugh).

I hate her, I despise every single goddamn fiber of her being-- she could be a saint on the sly and I wouldn't give a fuck, and I honestly wish she would one day leave and never, ever come back. Ma tells me that I have only two options: confront her or just simply move out. The latter is not an option at the moment, and I already know how the former will end (= not successfully), but I guess I should try again the next time I see her. I wish I could be direct to her, give her the laundry list of her sins that I have been compiling since early 2007, but part of me is wary of the fact that she could very well make my life hell, or just ignore it and increase the filth (since it so obviously doesn't faze her as much as me) and I probably couldn't deal with it, not with the close quarters that we are living in.

One day, I will live alone, and it will be awesome and fantastic and this will just be a smudge on the reminiscences of my university days. Though I guess I am forever ruined on cohabitation, thanks to this. Never again, no fucking way. EVERYONE WHO HAS NICE HOUSE OR ROOMMATES, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.

But still, in conclusion: HATE HATE HATE


...........and I miss Carmen ;_;