Rage, unhappiness and quite possibly some leftover hormones

[kaiserkuchen]

I have been back in Vienna since yesterday, and already what good and what fun I have experienced so far (to be mentioned later) simply pales in comparison to the shitshow that is my roommate. I don't know if it is the fact that I have become soft, accustomed to cleanliness and hygienic surroundings when I was in Bangkok, or maybe the fact that even the four odd months I still have left til (hopeful) graduation suddenly seems like forever or some other reason, but already I am feeling this low-grade, constant thrum of anger and rage towards her. How can someone bear to live in such a hell-hole? Why must I too be dragged into living like this? We fucking have tiny insects whirring around the common room areas now! I don't even know where to start in cleaning things there up, especially with the knowledge that it'll all go to shit soon again anyways (not to even mention I still have to clean up my own room after three months of dust and absence). And the kicker is that this status is even the "cleaned up" one. Because, if she is to be believed, she also 'had just arrived for a two days' before I did... yet that was enough time to throw the sort of party that has left weird purple markings on the floor that won't go away and a veritable pile of trash that was the first thing I saw after arriving home, after a 12+ hour flight (yay for flight delays ugh).

I hate her, I despise every single goddamn fiber of her being-- she could be a saint on the sly and I wouldn't give a fuck, and I honestly wish she would one day leave and never, ever come back. Ma tells me that I have only two options: confront her or just simply move out. The latter is not an option at the moment, and I already know how the former will end (= not successfully), but I guess I should try again the next time I see her. I wish I could be direct to her, give her the laundry list of her sins that I have been compiling since early 2007, but part of me is wary of the fact that she could very well make my life hell, or just ignore it and increase the filth (since it so obviously doesn't faze her as much as me) and I probably couldn't deal with it, not with the close quarters that we are living in.

One day, I will live alone, and it will be awesome and fantastic and this will just be a smudge on the reminiscences of my university days. Though I guess I am forever ruined on cohabitation, thanks to this. Never again, no fucking way. EVERYONE WHO HAS NICE HOUSE OR ROOMMATES, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.

But still, in conclusion: HATE HATE HATE


...........and I miss Carmen ;_;

Comments

[mcollinknight.livejournal.com]

OMG that sounds so nasty - why do you have to live with her for another year, couldn't you have picked another roommate after the first year of INSANITY? ugh girl you have my deepest sympathies because that is the very pinnacle of grossness :/

[kaiserkuchen.livejournal.com]

C~~~ I am actually slowly answering my giant backlog of your entries now, hee what timing!

And the reason why I am stuck with her is actually due to the system here that you are basically with the room assignment you get in the beginning unless your contract runs out, or you cancel and move out earlier. And I guess in the beginning it never occurred to me that I had that option of switching rooms, and now it seems like giving up? I am stubborn and irrational, lol. Already after having a while to cool down after writing this, I do feel my apathy and ignore blinkers slowly warming up again, so that could also be a good sign.

EVEN IF IT IS STILL GROSS TO FEEL ....THINGS CRUNCH UNDER MY BARE FEET WHEN I WALK INTO THE KITCHENETTE. I hope she is gone for a few days, half of her four (!) toiletry bags on the floor are gone, but that can't be used to accurately predict her absences anymore ahhh

EDITED FOR ENGLISH UGH SELF

[mcollinknight.livejournal.com]

WELL DON'T LET ME DISTRACT YOU THEN :D :D

That is a sucky system. But I here you on the not wanting to give up. lol @ blinkers.

EWWWWW THAT IS GROSS. Well I feel that too because one of my roommates broke up with her bf last night and thus tried to make Kraft Dinner at midnight last night and spilled the noodles everywhere, but I cannot be mad at her for that. I HOPE FOR YOUR SAKE SHE IS GONE.

[kaiserkuchen.livejournal.com]

BE PREPARED FOR LOTSA RAMBLING, DAYSSSSSSS TOO LATE

BLINKERS KEEP MY BLOOD PRESSURE DOWN, that and whining so much at my mother she tells me to stfu and basically man up about it lol.

NOT AS GROSS AS WHAT SEEMS TO BE (MORE) MOULD IN THE SHOWER. AND HAIRS. HAIRS EVERYWHERE I mean shit I am short sighted, but I wear glasses and look for these things before I finish in the bathroom. How can someone with normal vision not see this? When is this not disgusting? AUGH. I HOPE SO TOOO.

And awww, your poor roommate! I hope she feels better soon! (WAS HE A CAD?? D:=

[mcollinknight.livejournal.com]

I AWAIT YOUR ONSLAUGHT.

EWWWW we had mould in our shower but we made the landlord deal with it. That is muy gross, ugh.

NO, NOT FOR THE MOST PART, BUT WE ARE PRETENDING HE WAS RIGHT NOW OUT OF SOLIDARITY. IT WAS MUTUAL-ISH, BUT STILL VERY UNFORTUNATE.

I APPLAUD YOUR USE OF THE WORD 'CAD,' BTW. A+

[laliandra.livejournal.com]

IN VIENNA SINCE YESTERDAY? YOU HAD BETTER TEXT ME SOON. ALL I'M SAYIN'...

Your roommate sound HORRIFIC, my poor Kazamataz! *snuggles you*. ARG, I cannot imagine how frustrating that must be. Do you really think that she is so appalling as to try and take revenge if you told her how uncomfortable she is making you?

*counts her blessings*

[kaiserkuchen.livejournal.com]

I CANNOT HONESTLY TELL, and at the very least she wouldn't even have to stretch much because her normal continued existence can be so rankling already. The filth aside, she is a very moody person! Lol the screaming telephone conversations I can sometimes hear through the wallsssssss.

FOR NOW SHE IS STILL GONE (this will probably change tonight? Le sigh), and LIFE IS GOOD ♥

[laulan.livejournal.com]

:( BLECH. I mean, my place is kinda messy, but it wouldn't be if I was living with other people. It's not really fair to make EVERYONE suffer. *sigh* I would never be able to stand her for that long. :\ *HUG* Lemme know if there's anything I can do. And hey, did you get my silly mail? Ooh that reminds me I should give you my school address. *jots a note*

YES YES GIMME THAT SCHOOL ADDRESS

[kaiserkuchen.livejournal.com]

I KNOW RIGHT. It's always different when you are inflicting yourself with your own mess, vs. seeing other peoples. UGH NEVER CO-HABITATING UNLESS IT'S WITH IMMEDIATE FAMILY MEMBERS AGAIN (and even then it is sometimes trying, but there we are obligated to and actually love each other, so). Having you guys listening to my bitching and whining helps a lot already though!

AND YESSSSSSSSS I DID I AM ACTUALLY MAKING A POST SOLELY TO SQUEE ABOUT HAPPY THINGS AND ALL THE AWESOME MAIL I HAVE RECEIVED and have basically mentioned it to all my RL friends already:

Shaz: AND THEN SHE SENT ME A LETTER MADE OF POST-ITS!! COLOR COORDINATED!! Clemens: ...wow?
Shaz: YEAH YOU BET 'WOW', IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!
Clemens: I never get mail ...:(
Shaz: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU SUCK, HA-HA :D
<-- pretty much accurate summary of that conversation

AND HEYYYY this means that the mail I sent on the 24th will probably not reach you when you're at home :(( Can your parents forward it to your uni address then or something?? D:

I'm holding it hostage until you email me back :P *rubs hands together evilly*

[laulan.livejournal.com]

I know of a few people I think I could easily live with, but none of them are where I am so the point is moot, lol. I think I wouldn't mind living in a house or something with other people, but I could neeeeeeeeeeever do roomshare again lolol.

And YAAAAAAY I'M GLAD YOU LIKED MY SILLY COLORFUL LETTER. I love writing letters and stuff, so you'll probably be getting more soon. :D Also LOL I feel sorry for your friend, now. BUT I GUESS IF HE SUCKS he doesn't deserve it XDDD jkjk.

No, Shaz, actually the mail service stops working when someone sends something to the wrong address, so I will NEVER GET IT EVER. XD Yeah, I'll tell them to keep a look out and forward it to me. ♥