Ninjas STILL can't catch you if you're on fire

DEAR IMMUNE SYSTEM, I would like you to stop right there and not even think about starting to fail on me. The raspy cough that is beginning to get more intense as the hours go on, the weird way I seem to be aching everywhere, the delicate beginnings of a headache and the surprising lack of appetite? Kindly fuck off and die. I have already taken two Vitamin C tablets today, I am guzzling enough water and will be bundling up like woah when I head out for dinner with Carmen and her visiting sister, so THAT WILL BE THAT. Ugh, cold weather sickness woes, DNW!

Today has not been all that good of a day so far, so I really hope dinner at the Shanghai Tan will lift things up a bit. Thought I'd have a long-overdue nice phonecall with my Dad again, but that turned sour real quick. It's my fault for forgetting the key rule when Talking To Dad About University/My Future: LIE. LIE LIKE THE DICKENS. It's apparently useless trying to explain that given the unknown timespan getting all my paperwork processed will take, I haven't actually sent out any job applications yet. All the agencies and what-not right now are only looking for positions to start Jan or early Feb, and that is a time I know for sure I won't be done yet (even in the best case scenario when I pass ABWL). But of course, all this reads as excuses to him, and me not holding up my end of the apparent bargain we eked out in the summer. Thus, he was also not all that happy with my plan to come back home for a month in mid Feb, and well. Oh man. I know he only means well, and has my best interests at heart, but the way he says it never fails to rankle or reduce me to ridiculous tears because it always sounds like he is disappointed and insinuating things about my failure/idiocy/naivete/whathaveyou. Which is at least somewhat dealable over the phone, but hah, there have been many awkward and super snot-filled bawlfests in person in the past.

But, nothing I can do I guess. Will continue to try and at least get my CV and cover letters translated, my application papers scanned in and such this month, and I'll just start sending off things in the beginning of January then. It's times like these where I intensely wish that I could just say FUCK IT and go back to Bangkok, but even super-whiny self-pity party queen me knows that it's a stupid idea given the pittance I would earn. If only if only. I guess this is one of the things I at least enjoy about this half-life you live in university: You have all this time, and you can sometimes hid from decisions behind it, but eventually the clock does run out. I know that immediate Masters programs are out of the question for me, both due to intense personal disdain for the theoretical/dry curriculum in Vienna and parental no-nos-- but the idea of postponing it all some more did have its moment of temptation.

I have been back in Vienna since yesterday, and already what good and what fun I have experienced so far (to be mentioned later) simply pales in comparison to the shitshow that is my roommate. I don't know if it is the fact that I have become soft, accustomed to cleanliness and hygienic surroundings when I was in Bangkok, or maybe the fact that even the four odd months I still have left til (hopeful) graduation suddenly seems like forever or some other reason, but already I am feeling this low-grade, constant thrum of anger and rage towards her. How can someone bear to live in such a hell-hole? Why must I too be dragged into living like this? We fucking have tiny insects whirring around the common room areas now! I don't even know where to start in cleaning things there up, especially with the knowledge that it'll all go to shit soon again anyways (not to even mention I still have to clean up my own room after three months of dust and absence). And the kicker is that this status is even the "cleaned up" one. Because, if she is to be believed, she also 'had just arrived for a two days' before I did... yet that was enough time to throw the sort of party that has left weird purple markings on the floor that won't go away and a veritable pile of trash that was the first thing I saw after arriving home, after a 12+ hour flight (yay for flight delays ugh).

I hate her, I despise every single goddamn fiber of her being-- she could be a saint on the sly and I wouldn't give a fuck, and I honestly wish she would one day leave and never, ever come back. Ma tells me that I have only two options: confront her or just simply move out. The latter is not an option at the moment, and I already know how the former will end (= not successfully), but I guess I should try again the next time I see her. I wish I could be direct to her, give her the laundry list of her sins that I have been compiling since early 2007, but part of me is wary of the fact that she could very well make my life hell, or just ignore it and increase the filth (since it so obviously doesn't faze her as much as me) and I probably couldn't deal with it, not with the close quarters that we are living in.

One day, I will live alone, and it will be awesome and fantastic and this will just be a smudge on the reminiscences of my university days. Though I guess I am forever ruined on cohabitation, thanks to this. Never again, no fucking way. EVERYONE WHO HAS NICE HOUSE OR ROOMMATES, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.

But still, in conclusion: HATE HATE HATE


...........and I miss Carmen ;_;

Over these past few days, I have realized a thing or two. Mainly, HOLY SHIT THE SUMMER SEMESTER IS NEARLY OVER ALREADY AHHH THE EXAMS ARE UP ALREADY AHHH THREE EXAMS THESE NEXT WEEKS BESIDES ALL MY OTHER DEADLINES AHHHHHHHH. I shall probably start fervently praying that I pass all three of the PKW exams, holy crap my next semester (and laaaaaaast one!) would be so chill if that were true... COMMUNICATIONS LAW (take two, bawww), COMMUNICATIONS ETHICS AND ...uh, COMMUNICATIONS/QUALITY EVALUATION METHODS, I VOW TO AT THE VERY LEAST ATTEMPT TO PASS YOU. Kicking academic ass is more of a surprise bonus, lol I am such a bad written exam taker-- give me an oral exam where I have to defend my work or present anything to strangers ANY DAY.

The weather is also intensely moody, we keep swinging from CRAP --> SWELTERING --> RAIN --> CRAP all the damn time. Have at least finally bought a fan though, so at least the nights of tossing and turning and feeling like I'd choke on the warm air that would lie like a dead weight in the bedroom are over, at least! MMMH FAN ♥

I have also made quite good progress on my SPN Big Bang banner, if I might say so myself! Shading people decently still remains something beyond my grasp, but I think I can muddle my way through it... It still needs a few sessions, but I think I can soon move on to some other pictures. Posting deadline for us is the 26th of June, and I'd feel bad if I could only offer laulan a measly banner lolol >_>;;

Tomorrow will be another day of frantically trying to get uni deadlines done, have a UE Hist presentation on Friday with the boys that is basically non-existent yet (WHOOPS), a UE PR presentation on Tuesday and our UE Werb presentation on Wednesday. And the last of these is basically all done already, which is fantastic and the reason why I love to sign up for presenting duties --> means I don't have to make the PPP, though I can already see this plan not working with my PR presentation. BLARGH.

YOU GUYS. Time has magically elapsed quick like a mofo since Monday evening, what the hell. It all started when Carmen and I were only just supposed to go to Sven's birthday party pre-gaming session... and of course then we ended tagging along to go clubbing at the ~*Ride Club*~ after all. Which sucks and is a bastion of sleaze and desperate, desperate douchebaggery/whorishness --as usual, good to have that reconfirmed-- and I also got my fantasy of Eramus Exchange Program parties being fantastic rightly shattered and it was shown to me as the full of suck and clique-y people shindig it was. And the music! Fucking Katy Perry and Pussycat Dolls, nooooo. We left at 2AM with Stephen (who was one of the few honestly entertaining and cool people there), and ended up in the totally wasted Pano dorm kitchen where the pregaming was held, just drinking beer and talking about randomness until the wee hours of the morning. Awesome beginning and awesome conclusion, if only the actual clubbing part could have been snipped out!
.........and of course I proceeded to HATE MYSELF for the entire Tuesday, because I was A)tired as fuck, B)cramping up like woah and C)because I realized that I was so screwed for my BAKK2 presentation on Wednesday. Which ended up in 3AM bedtimes and frantic last-minute work as usual, and hating myself some more when I had to wake up this morning at 8AM to barely make it to my 9.30AM WERB UE in time. And really, the best part of this BAKK2 stress?

ALL OF MY PANIC-Y EFFORTS WERE FOR NOTHING, because the teacher didn't even listen to my presentation (we had to simultaneously present on each half of the classroom, a teaching tactic that I DESPISE PASSIONATELY, such bullshit) and when I gave her my presentation poster for some feedback as she had yet to actually see it after the seminar, this is what she did:
TEACH: *unrolls poster, gazes at it* Hmm. Yes. Everything seems very... clearly arranged here. Quite adequate. *rolls it back up, hands it to me*
SHAZ: .............................thank......you.

QUITE ADEQUATE?? QUITE ADEQUATE?? WOW. That just really makes me feel so secure in what I have accomplished so far! Who the fuck wants a 'quite adequate'? And more importantly, what grade does she give a 'quite adequate'? Because that smells like a 4er to me and akjsfhkajsh, AUGHHH. Is a half-way decent feedback that actually makes emotion flicker in her cold, cold eyes too much to ask for? :// I really like her otherwise, but wow do I ever get nervous when you can't read teacher's reactions in situations like these.

And to end this on a non-bitchery note, I am so psyched about various movies right now that I am all unable to watch. Typical, I know, yet still always so frustrating. UP! STAR TREK! Also I have not forgotten about: I LOVE YOU, MAN. *grabby handssss* Re: UP, if you haven't seen it yet, everyone should check out this clip: MEET DUG THE DOG. AHHH I NEED TO WATCH THIS MOVIE NOW. Obviously not just for the dogs, because all the reviews I've read make me just so excited for everything about this movie, yet it is every so hard to not immediately succumb to the charm of "I HAVE JUST MET YOU AND I LOVE YOU". AHHH his dumb doggie face reminds me so much of our dogs, I cannot deaaaal.

PEE ESS apple_scruffer, I am mucho glad that you liked the ~*SUPER SECRET SCHWAG*~ bb! All the best for youuuu, of course! Man, this time the postage service at least fucking finally delivered-- I ADMIT, I WAS PRETTY NERVOUS.

It seems like I am experiencing some form of post-travel downer-time, because what the fuck is wrong Sharon, GET OVER YOURSELF ughhh I am feeling oddly lethargic and overly emotional and vacillating between wanting to ignore what I have to do for uni and panicking about fucking it up AHHH I ONLY HAVE A MONTH LEFT OF THIS SEMESTER AUGHHH. Also I want to finally fucking know when the Prüfungseinsichttermin for Korre will be. I can't believe I fucking flunked communications law, I thought I had done enough for a pass, at least. Now I still have three exams left in PKW, greaaat. And then there are other BAKK2 related things, and after that there are just simple things like doing laundry and cleaning up, not even mentioning CALLING OR REPLYING TO PEOPLE that I have been trying to do more than halfheartedly since Monday. It's so stupid, I know that many people have actual serious problems and worries, and here I am still just moping about with my bullshit. Hopefully once I type this I can get on with my life?? TODAY CAN STILL BE SAVED. USED PRODUCTIVELY. Yeah.

I think I'll go check and see if TV-Dome has the pilot of Glee up, was looking through YT and coming up with bumpkiss that was watchable. CHEER ME UP PLEASE, HAPPY-LOOKING TV SHOW

SO YEAH, EXPECT NORMAL SHAZKAZ TO RETURN SOONISH, WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY DELAYS, HAVE A SMALL PICTURE OF SOME (blurry) GELATO AS A REFUND OF SORTS:


AND ALSO THIS COOL LINK that I got from gallo_de_pelea --The "I Can Read Movies" Set. Fantastically cool book covers!

#1 "Now I am quite positive that you are using my toiletries willy-nilly, as they are always scattered throughout the bathroom instead of where I usually put them (like my razor), or suddenly empty, like the La Roche-Posay face wash I use that you also now have suddenly acquired two different tubes of. How nice to know that we both have oily skin, and that using MY STUFF helps you so much, Miss I Have Chanel and Shishedo Products Lining The Bathroom Shelves! BUT what kind of alarms me is the thought that my towels are the only ones in the bathroom currently, and that you never really seem to have a face towel. I really hope you're the type of person who just takes them into their room!"

#2 "While I should be quite used to the ...wonderful things you share with me in the bathroom, I must say that your uh, blood-smeared or otherwise stained thong lying in a puddle face up on the bathroom floor is always something that I wish I never would have to see. Do you have issues accepting the fact that you get a period? Do you seriously run out of pads/tampons?? And don't you realize that if you can tell that even when I leave the dorm, I do eventually come back and also have to use the bathroom??"

#3 "Admittedly, you seem to not be committing heinous crimes in the kitchen area yet, I mean, it's still dirty as fuck, but I am avoiding that by spending the least amount of time there and eating simple things like SALAD and FRUITS and okay, POP TARTS in my room, but I figure that it's just a matter of time before something is rotting again. BUT. Another thing that normally I wouldn't even think should be worth mentioning, BECAUSE NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T DO THESE THINGS and yet you keep doing this OVER AND OVER is the following: Just sticking your used wads of chewing gum on the kitchen sink OR the cloth towels to wipe the dishes is not the correct way to throw gum away. IT DOES NOT DISAPPEAR. Or maybe the fact that I eventually scrape it away because it grosses me out constitutes 'disappearing' for you, I can never tell."

#4 "STOP FORGETTING TO LOCK THE FUCKING OUTER DOOR WHEN YOU COME BACK DRUNK AND HORNY WITH YOUR FUCKBUDDY/BOYFRIEND. SERIOUSLY. LOCKS ARE YOUR FRIEND. I do not want to have to have to actually LOCK MY inner door as well every night, jesus christ this is the FOURTH TIME you have forgotten to do so, IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK."
I forsee myself snapping again soon, and the return of the passive aggressive sticky notes. O god how I despise her!! Go away go away go awayyyyyyyyyyyyyy D:

Today we had another session, and I think I managed to somehow win back a bit of my honor, or at least show the assorted group, who probably doesn't really give a crap anyways, and the Teach, who probably still doesn't know my name yet that I am not wholly incompetent in the face of a graphics program.
( Revamped 'self-advertisement', yay for clipart and imagegoogle for props )

Other in-class assignments were A) Come up with slogans for the fact that the church might just go into partners with our failing post offices here in Austria and B) Write a short story about meeting either George Clooney (for the ladies) and Angelina Jolie (for the dudes) by chance in our PKW institute. Doing A) was a helluva lotta fun (working with Aisen, woooo that dude is so chill), but B) basically had everyone's initial reactions in the room being along the lines of ".......oh hellllll no 8|". When it came to 'sharing and caring' reading time, the few people that read theirs were totally hilarious though. In the interest of full disclosure, and because I have to type it up and send it to Teach anyways, here my humble offering. I totally also just wrote the damn thing in English too, he didn't exactly specify any language limitations, moo ha ha ha!

( When Shaz Met George, or Why it is Good That I am Not a Fic Writer (455 words) )

IN OTHER NEWS: MAN I REALLY NEED SLEEP. AND TO PRACTISE FOR KORRE. GAH.

For bitchery and completion's sake, and so that I can also start forgetting how unpleasant and vaguely humiliated I felt about this, a quick recounting of our UE PR group meeting today!

Lena, one of the girls who along with old swede dude said per email they were pro-Medienanalyse method was early. So I started chattering to her a bit about my plans for the meeting, since I figured I had an ally of sorts in her. But little did I know that once we were all seated, all the fuckers would PULL A FUCKING MUTINY ON ME. "I really think a Befragung would be a better method!" "Oh yes, I agree, it would much better serve our purposes!" -- and to my objections of how last minute this is, why nothing of substance was presented during this whole week if everyone was so gung-ho for it, how crap we would look in comparison to the other groups, how much more ahead they are and what a difference it would undoubtedly make, were basically drowned out. And it now sounded like I was the dick who didn't believe in the group (WELL YOU GUYS DIDN'T REALLY GIVE ME MUCH HOPE TO WORK WITH), who was the killjoy disturbing everyone's hilarious time, the pedantic asshole who kept writing emails that no one would read anyways (thanks for that info by the way, Sven C! Like that was such a surprise, coming from you). And to make matters even better, as if my current position in the group wasn't already teetering on the edge-- Wido, who was sitting on the mezzanine above us, decided that it was hilarious to throw his balled up sugar packets down at me. THANKS FOR THAT LAST PUSH INTO LOOKING EVEN MORE LÄCHERLICH AND PATHETIC DUDE, SERIOUSLY IT WAS JUST THE FINAL TOUCH OF HUMILIATION THAT WAS MISSING.

We did manage to bang out some questions and divide the labor in the hour and a half of the meeting though, the others will be doing the actual asking Favoritener their opinion, and this other chick and I will be analyzing the date and typing up the end report. All in all, a favorable end to this steaming crap mound (for now). I guess I've learned that it is just too much to wish for, having a group project that can be efficiently decided per email (we can work together, it's been proven! But why not a few days earlier??). And I've had a refresher course in how ~wonderful~ it feels to know that one has united the group in basically viewing you in contempt and condescension. I mean, I'm not looking for new BFFs in this group either, but ohh, the feeling still rankles like hell.

UGHHHHHHH that felt good to get out. Off to look at spam/porn to cheer me up!

WHY IS IT SUDDENLY SNOWING RIGHT NOW. WHY WEATHER GODS, WHYYYYYYYYYY?!

Good thing my only plans today were A)puttering around my room and B)just staring out of the window. BUT STILL. I protest on principle!

Throughout the day, I am either constantly sounding like a chain-smoking, seventy year-old grandma OR a eleven year old boy whose voice just broke. And my nose is congested like all fuck, which means that breathing(through my mouth) is one hell of a pleasure right now. My throat feels like raw hamburger, and I really liked the one moment last night where I was coughing so hard I thought for a moment that I'd be throwing up on my bed. GOOD TIMES. At least Sabrina is out at the moment so I can fully give in to all my disgusting throat-clearing choking noises. I clearly need to go rob a pharmacy tomorrow, my cough syrup clearly isn't cutting it anymore.

Which is why I basically spent today watching some more Mad Men and hacking a lung up in tandem with the guys on screen some more. Joan Collins is one hell of a minx and god do I ever still want to do Don Draper. Or rather, Jon Hamm dressed up like Draper, because the character is sometimes a giant effed-up douche, so yeah.

TOMORROW I WILL BE GOOD AND ANSWER STUFF I GUESS (RIN YOU ARE ALIVE AHHH I ♥MISSED♥ YOU AND LOL I THOUGHT MY INBOX WAS ON THE FRITZ man when you say you 'catch up', you sure as hell mean it eh? ILU BB~~~)